beneath the stars came falling on our heads
by JacksonFrost
Summary: Remus reflects after the battle of the Department of Mysteries. RemusSirius.


_happy birthday **PerfectMisfit**! also, this is for the **Vanilla Twilight Challenge** on the HPFC forums. sorry for all the angst, i tried to make it somewhat fluffy, but it clearly didn't work out, haha. but still, please review and if you're going to favorite, please make sure to review as well because i'd love to hear your thoughts!  
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_title belongs to **Regina Spektor**.  
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**beneath the stars came falling on our heads**

**/./././  
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_The stars lean down to kiss you_

_And I lie awake and miss you_

_-"Vanilla Twilight," Owl City_

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Remus lies awake, staring up at the nighttime sky, visible through his clear glass ceiling. He knows his friends think he's bizarre for having it installed after the Battle at the Department of Mysteries, he's heard Tonks' worried speculations about his mental health, but he doesn't care. The stars give him comfort; the stars give him _Sirius _back, if only just for a brief glimpse into the heavens.

-.-

"_See that? That's my star. Sirius," he said proudly, the stars reflected in his bright gray eyes._

"_Yeah, I've think you showed me about twenty thousand times," Remus said; it was his sarcastic year. _

"_Yeah, well, I'm showing you again, so shut it and listen," Sirius said impatiently. "On full moons or whatever- it'll always be there. So in a way, it's like I'll always be there."_

"_James would take the piss out of you for saying something so corny," Remus said, trying to hide his feelings._

"_Didn't say it to James," Sirius muttered. "What are _you_ going to say?" His eyes held a spark of challenge. _

_Remus grinned, meeting his challenge head-on. "Don't think I'll _say_ anything," he murmured, as he leaned in._

_-.-  
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Remus closes his eyes, the haunting image of a young and vibrant Sirius etched into his mind. Sirius is up there then, locked forever in the eternal beauty of a star. A wave of inexpressible longing washes through Remus as he stares at Sirius' star. "I miss you," he whispers, letting his words float up to the heavens.

-.-

_Sirius fell onto his back on the picnic blanket, panting slightly as he smiled up at the sky. "Love you," he whispered softly. _

"_What?" Remus asked, rolling onto his side and looking at Sirius. "What did you say?"_

"_I said I loved you, you git," Sirius said, grinning confidently. _

"_I love you too," Remus said, unable to stop the wide grin spreading across his face._

"_I know," Sirius said simply, leaning over and kissing him quickly. Remus deepened the kiss, and Sirius eagerly responded, and within a few moments, they were completely entangled in each other._

-.-

Remus brushes impatiently at the wetness in his eyes. He had learned to survive without Sirius for the twelve lonely years of Azkaban and false accusations of dirty words like _traitor _and _murderer_. There was no reason why he couldn't survive now, he tells himself firmly. Still, it was easier to survive when the feeling that his heart has been shredded into a million pieces was tampered down by anger and hurt and betrayal. Now, he has nothing but the absolute, gut-wrenching pain, and Remus' eyes well up with fresh tears. He rubs his hand against his eyes, embarrassed. Sirius never had much use for tears.

-.-

"_Are you _crying_?" Sirius asked, disgusted. He throws his cigarette on the pavement and crushes it with his heel. "God, Remus."_

_Remus flushed angrily. "Well, how did you expect my reaction to be? Fabian and Gideon were friends, Sirius. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"_

"_Course it does," Sirius muttered. "I just think crying about it is pointless. It doesn't help anything. Marlene says-"_

"_Oh, Marlene," Remus said bitterly, turning away. "Well, by all means, go be with Marlene. Clearly she's a better match for you anyway, as I'm just a crybaby who actually cares about grieving for his friends."_

"_Don't be jealous," Sirius snapped, angrily lighting another cigarette. "And do you think I'm not grieving? I was friends with them too. Christ, Remus, I was there when they died!"_

"_Do you think I don't know that?" Remus asked tearfully. "Pads, it could have been you."_

_Sirius' expression softened, and the next instant, he grabbed Remus and kissed him, hard. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm so careful out there. Because of you, Moony. I don't want to leave you."_

_Remus didn't respond, just kissed Sirius harder and tasted the cigarette smoke and firewhiskey and the salt of tears. Sirius' over-bright star shined above them and Remus thought fleetingly that even the brightest stars can fall, before surrendering to the intensity of the kiss and of Sirius._

_-.-  
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Their stars all came falling down, Remus thinks wistfully. Sirius' fell in the brightest blaze of all, of course, a blaze of lost glory and intensity and a blaze that scorched those close to him. And now the stars have reclaimed him as their own and Remus can only watch from earth and miss him.

It shouldn't be surprising, really. Sirius was never meant for this earth; he was always meant to be in the stars. And as much as Remus wants to believe that Sirius belonged with him, he can't.

"Love you," he mouths at Sirius' star, and maybe that's a little pathetic, but he doesn't care.

He swears the star twinkles back at him.


End file.
